I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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