I accidentally burped into my bong.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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