So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm drive I can fine osifer
You can't special order awesome
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
