I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
