Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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