So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
vagina is talking i cant
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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