I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
