if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
