I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
