remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
