before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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