I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
