so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize