Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize