JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
