My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
