Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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