words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
