Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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