Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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