Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize