i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
