Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
