Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
