He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
