Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you had me at cake vodka
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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