The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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