She's JV to your varsity
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
