I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize