Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
