I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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