once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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