I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
