i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
