Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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