i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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