I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
