Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
