Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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