All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
