Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
