Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
