At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just found puke in my bra..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
