I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
