i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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