She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The power of my boobs compel you
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
