she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i out mim tonsoeep
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