I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
