Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
