I just made out with a guy for $7.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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