God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
