he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
