I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
