Plan B is the new Plan A
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
