his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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