we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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