I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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