and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
