hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
