the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just cut my nipple shaving
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
