just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
