I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
