So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
