wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
