I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
