WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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