Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
