What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
