She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
