Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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