I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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