Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just google imaged poop.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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