so explain again why im purple
no
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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