i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
jump out the window naked night went bad
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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