i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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