Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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