i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
