now i know why i became what i already was.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
